| MatchBox 20 - How do they sing me so well? |
[Sep. 23rd, 2003|05:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | This night won't last forever - Sawyer Brown | ] | Feel what you want, what you got live your life in a crawl space I'd help you out but you don't want a chance at a better life you said you never took a ride and now you wanna play well it's a big big city, let me show you around sometime
oh sometime.. and now you've crossed that line, you can't come back, tell me how does it feel now? it's too late, too much to forget about can't stop now, how does it feel now? I'm only askin because i wanna know how you wanna feel
I'm a wreck, I'm a mess I'm a spot on the pavement, I'm a number on your wall, I make your soul tired I don't think I like this game no more It goes around and round and round I'll take you one more time.. yea one more time..
chorus x2
Disease feels like you made a mistake you made somebody’s heart break but now i have to let you go, i have to let you go
you left a stain on everyone of my good days but i am stronger than you know i had to let you go
no one’s ever turned you over, no one’s tried t ever let you down beautiful girl, bless your heart i got a disease deep inside me makes me feel uneasy baby, i can’t live without you tell me what am i supposed to do about it? keep your distance from me, don’t pay no attention to me.. I got a disease
feels like you’re making a mess you're hell on wheels in a black dress you drove me to the fire and left me there to burn
every little thing you do is tragic all my life before was magic beautiful girl, i can’t breathe
i got a disease, deep inside me makes me feel uneasy baby, i can’t live without you tell me what am i supposed to do about it? keep your distance from me, don’t pay no attention to me I got a disease oh well i think that i’m sick but leave me be while my world is coming down on me you taste like honey, honey tell me, can i be your honey bee?.. Be strong, keep telling myself that it wont take long til im free of my disease
set me free of my disease
Bright Lights She got outta town On a railway New York bound Took all except my name another alien on broadway some things in this world you just can't change some things you can't see until it gets too late
Baby, baby, baby when all your love is gone, Who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world? Maybe, maybe, maybe you'll find something that's enough to keep you But if the bright lights don't recieve you, you should turn yourself around and come on home.. I got a hole in me now, Hey I got a scar I can talk about, She keeps a picture of me, In her apartment in the city Some things in this world, man, they don't make sense Some things you don't need until they leave you Then the things that you miss, you say
Chorus
let that city take you in (come on home) let that city spit you out (come on home) let that city take you down, yea for god sakes, turn around
Chorus
Unwell All day starin at the ceilin makin friends with shadows on my wall all night, hearin voices tellin me that i should get some sleep because tomorrow might be good for something hold on feelin like im headin for a breakdown and i don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know, right now you can't tell but stay a while and maybe then you'll see a different side of me I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired I know, right now you don't care But soon enough you're gonna think of me and how I used to be..
me... talkin to myself in public dodgin glances on the train and i know, i know they've all been talkin bout me, I can hear them whisper, and it makes me think there must be something wrong with me Out of all the hours thinkin, somehow I've lost my mind
Chorus
I've been talkin in my sleep Pretty soon they'll come to get me.. Well they're takin me away..
Chorus
Cold I will do without The spaces in between If you could tell me now What it means to be You have been found out I have been deceived by the one that I need
Tell me why you gotta be so cold How'd you get so high While you're keepin me low? You don't know...you don't know Tell me how we're gonna make it last You're ready to fly, I'm ready to crash Don't go...don't go..
You will go without The better part of me There will be no doubt Of what this all could mean You will be found out I can not beleive in the one that I need...
chorus x2
All I Need Everywhere someone's gettin over Everybody cries and sometimes You can still lose even if you really try talkin bout the dream like the dream is over talk like that won't get you nowhere everybody's trustin in the heart like the heart don't lie
And that's all that I need someone else to cling to someone i can lean on until i don't need to just stay all through the night and in the morning let me down cuz that's all that i need right now
everywhere someone's gettin over everybody's lied to someone people still use other people with a crooked smile All around the world there's a sinkin feelin Out there right now someone's really down on themselves and don't know why every night
chorus
Life ain't no beauty show we don't know where tomorrow ends and when we're sad it's kind of drag
Hand Me Down someday they'll find your small-town world on a big-town avenue Gonna make you like the way they talk When they're talkin to you Gonna make you break out of your shell Cuz they tell you to Gonna make you like the way they lie Better than the truth They'll tell you everything you wanted someone else to say They're gonna break your heart
From what I've seen you're just one more hand me down cuz no one's tried to give you what you need so lay all your troubles down I am with you now
Somebody oughtta take you in try to make you love again try to make you like the way they feel when they're under your skin never once did you think that they would lie when they're holdin you then you wonder why they haven't called when they said they'd call you You start to wonder if you're ever gonna make it by You'll start to think you were born blind
Chorus
I'm here for the hard times The straight to your heart times When livin aint easy you can stand up against me and maybe rely on me and cry on me yea someday they'll open up your world shake you down to the drawing board do their best to change you they still can't erase you.. chorus
Could I Be You something is wrong with the sum of us that i can't seem to erase how can i be the only one without a smile on my face? and now
you're laughin outloud at just the thought of bein alive and i was wondering could i just be you tonight?
you show your pain like it really hurts and i can't even start to feel mine and I'm standing in place with my head first and i shake, i shake and i see your progress stretched out for miles and miles
chorus
this is the sound that i make these are the words i chose but sometimes the right things to say just dont come out..just don't come out
chorus
Downfall i wonder how you sleep i wonder what you think of me if i could go back would you have ever been with me? i want you to be uneased i want you to remember i want you to believe in me i want you on my side
come on and lay it down i've always been with you hear and now give all that's within you be my savior and ill be your downfall
here we go again ashamed of being broken in were getting off track i want to get you back again i want you to trouble me i wanted you to linger i want you to agree with me i want so much so bad
chorus
(only love can save us now)x2 ill be your downfall (love save me now)
lay it down i've always been with you hear me now with all that's within you be my savior and ill be your downfall
Soul hang out my window and over your head stare at your feelings to see where they end
you're waiting here for someone else to break you from the inside you've been so composed we all know
there's always something tearing you apart it's always so much longer than you counted on it hits you so much harder than you thought but you don't worry you don't worry cuz you got soul
you're so heavy you're so misunderstood i spent all of my wishes wishing times were good when i still could wait around here for someone else to take you past the good side you've been here so long
Chorus x2
You're So Real yes i am i hope you think you read me hope i start talkin crazy before you understand me are we through? you think that i'm beneath you but you like the things that i do wrap em up and take em with you
I'm alright hope i can sleep for one night if not to cool my insides maybe to calm my backside rain on me i got a weakness in me i think that weakness feeds me i don't think you think you need me sunshine you're the best time i've ever ever had but i think i made you feel bad a black fly on your necktie time after time
but when the sun starts sinking on your beautiful soul make you cry, cry baby make you feel so cold don't you know it's alright sometimes you just have to show how you feel cuz that's you baby! you're so real
run it round in your head like you don't know what's on the inside you don't know me too well you aint seen my bad side shame on me shame on the things that i'd be if you could complicate me if you could get inside me
sunshine you're the best time i've ever ever known pretty girl with a wicked smile on but i've cried for the last time something just don't feel right
chorus
you always know just who you are you never needed someone else to realize yourself
chorus
What You Need slow dancing on the boulevard in the quiet moments while the city is still dark
sleepwalkin through the summer rain in the tired spaces you could hear her name
when she was young and tender and you held her arms around you there was nothing but her love and affection she was crazy for you now she's part of something that you lost
and for all you know this could be the difference between what you need and what you wanna be
night swimming in her diamond dress making small circles move across the surface
stand watching from the steady shore stayin wide open and waiting for something warm and tender now she's moving further from you there is nothing that could make it easy on you every step you take reminds you that she's walkin on
chorus
every word you never said echoes down your empty hallway everything that was your world just came down
day breaking on the boulevard feel the sun warming up your second hand heart light swimming right across your face and you think maybe someday maybe someday
chorus
So Sad So Lonely (Hidden Track) i found out on a late night drive in my winter coat with my blood shot eyes my faith aint been no friend to me and the way i sin is hangin off of me
and im sorry you can't take me anywhere pretty soon we're almost there baby one more time it's been a long long drive and im way way tired i don't need no back up plan
i don't want nobody nobody don't want me i'm so sad, so lonely but im always landin on my feet
one more time with a sad sad smile and your white bread friends in the circus life all the oneway rides the sweet beginners passin on the left hand side with a sideways smile
and im always one step from stallin bad trips can make great stories dance all night with your ass on fire and your hands up high and feel me one more time
chorus
i learn to love myself and i don't need no one else and when a love moves on cuz it gets cold then another moves in and it can fill the hole
~ Ten'ou Haruka |
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| Another Stormy night |
[Aug. 5th, 2003|10:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | " You're So Last Summer " | ] | Will-chan: *sighhhs* Will-chan: *hugs tightly and kisses her cheek* I'll always love you Ruka *smiles then wanders off* Ruka: * sits down, and thinks.... her forehead in her hands.... no sounds coming from her. * Will-chan: *holds tightly* Ruka: Will-chan.. don't tell her.. Will-chan: Don't tell her what? Ruka: that I'm acting this way. WIll-chan: *holds and kisses her cheek* Ruka: Will-chan..... I'm going to have to let her go... Will-chan: ??? Ruka: You know who. Will-chan: I know who Will-chan: but what do you mean let her go? Ruka: Exactly what it sounds like. Will-chan: let her go to the point that she is just a friend? Ruka: Right now.. I can't even handle that. Until I get my guards back... I have to let go..... Will-chan: *nods* Ruka: * pulls away... and stands.... pacing silently.. her eyes glossy.. but no sobs, no tears, no sounds* Will-chan: *sits there watching her* Will-chan: I'm here to talk Ruka...but I can't do it by myself Ruka: She's not hurting me.. she's not. * looks at him, smiling an ironic smile her eyes filled with tears un-cried.. * I'm not hurting... Will-chan: B-fucking-S you aren't hurting. Ruka: No.. I'm not hurting.. it's not pain.. but something worse.. I can't explain it.. Will-chan: Loss? Lonliness? Fear? ..? Ruka: Ever had that feeling in your chest? You know.. your heart gets faster.. and it feels like it's going to tear from your chest becuase it's so damn happy ... or touched.. It feels like butterfly wings beating so fast... or an orchestra.... ... a butterfly smphony.. * shakes her head... laughing at herself* Will-chan: Yea.. Ruka: It's that... except... it's not the good way.. it's like someone stabbing you in the chest... and you're just realizing... that you can feel.. and that it hurts, because.. because it's from someone you least expected it be... Will-chan: I've felt that to *hugs* Ruka: * takes a deep shakey breath * I can't tell her that.. it'll just make her worse. Will-chan: But you can tell me *smiles* you can tell me annnnything Ruka: And from the sound of it.. one of her biggest problems is.. she knows another teen that is with child..or..that's to my understanding Will-chan: ?? Ruka: she can't / won't say who... sworn to not telling ... I didn't even ask... WIll-chan: ah Ruka: I've got my guesses.. .but.. I don't ask.. and... I'm not going to ... It's none of my biss.. Will-chan: *nods* Ruka: And.. then Dilly.. damn it.. he sounds just like you did last week Will-chan: wha? Ruka: He's all upset cause he wants someone to love... Ruka: Katlyn is upset about something... I really wasn't paying attention to what.. Will-chan: ...why is it when I start to get happy everyone is screwed over by something.. Ruka: probably Cate Will-chan: then why I'm upset..everyone's happy? Will-chan: and I'm not trying to turn this towards me...it's just weird Will-chan: lol Ruka: That's what I wondering last week... Will-chan: *pets his Ruka* Everything shall get better though Ruka: You know..... I'm so lost in thoughts.. I am even starting to think Matt was right ( Matt D ) Will-chan: how so? Ruka: A long time ago.. I was dis-traught.. and Matt was the only one around that I was able to go to for consolence... * pffts * ... and he did.. but.. we were talking... and in the talking it came to me letting her go... tottally... Ruka: for good.. Will-chan: ..don't listen to Matt Will-chan: I don't care how good his advice seems.. Will-chan: You can't let her go..for good...forever. Will-chan: I don't think you'd be able to stand it Ruka: That's just it.. I can... Will-chan: and I don't think she would either.. Ruka: I know can.. if I keep in my head that it'll help her.. Ruka: I can. Ruka: .... I just don't want too Will-chan: *nods* Ruka: I can't do anything about this.. and that's probably the other thing that hurts so badly. Will-chan: yea.. Will-chan: *sigh* I wish I knew how to help Ruka: you can't. Ruka: It's all right |
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| Finally, updating |
[Aug. 2nd, 2003|11:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | " Echo" ~ Trapt | ] | Hey... it's me... Ruka, again. Fun stuff, huh?
Does anyone else hate keeping secrets? I do. It's not hard for me to do, I just don't like doing it. It's amazing sometimes, at what people want to keep from others. Usually the things they need to say.. are the things they don't say. But..then.. I'm guilty of it too..so.. I need to button my lip.
I think I worried Michi and Will-chan both. They went with me to my grandmothers and.. Will-chan said something more about his sexuality .. and I said something like ... " I'd tell you my situation, but.. I can't explain it well enough." I think they had shared words about that, though neither asked about it or said anything. Not amazing.. they usually don't. Unless it's like...life threatening. I got my brow pierced. yeah.. I know... Michi said yuckie too.. and Will-chan was like " cool" ... even though when I passed out, he laughed at me.
* shrugs* life is life.. and yeah, now I've got her.. she's amazing, as always she has been.. But.. ya know.. I've been saying this all along.. so.. * winks* ... it's about time.
* chuckles*
I love you all..
~ Ten'ou Haruka |
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| Would you choose water over wine? Take the wheel and drive |
[Jun. 28th, 2003|11:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | grateful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Um...that song. I don't know the name ^^; | ] | Since she chose not to make the announcement, I am sure the few of you who read this journal will be happy to know that the two of us are, in a certain gay boy's words, 'finally' together. ^_^;
So...
'Whatever Tommorow Brings, I'll be there...with open arms, and open eyes...' |
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| Hello.. |
[Jun. 25th, 2003|01:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | " Here's To The Night" ~ Eve 6 | ] | I don't feel like re-typing everything I just wrote, so if you want to know that badly... read my other journal. The username is : xLostxWithoutx
Night All ,
Love, Ten'ou Haruka |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 18th, 2003|01:50 am] |
Don't don't know why hurt pain writhe agony know can't can't can't can't hurt pain don't why know why don't know why I don't know why can't hurt can't can't can't don't know can't hurt why
I don't. can't. hurt. know.
Pain pain pain it's the beauty of it I don't know!!! |
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| " You Had Me From Hello" |
[Jun. 16th, 2003|11:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | " ou had me from hello" Keeny Chesney | ] | your a total tomboy, you hate girly stuff but you cant hide that blush when someone tells you your pretty
should you be Male, Female, or other(FINISHED!) brought to you by Quizilla
So these people at Quizilla think they know me? ... * chuckles* ... I guess they do, huh? Oh well.
I talked to my ex, Ben, today. I hated it. But I guess it's best to get these kind of things out of my system. I mean.. I almost cried today, about an hour after we talked. I didn't though. I held back. I thought of Michi too.. and that's one thing that made me want to cry..but I have to be strong. I have no reason to cry. Not now. If something is over, then it is over. No more need be said. ... I think. * whinces* Why did it still hurt? He talked to me like we had never been anything. And it hurt me. He told me how he was happy with his new girlfriend.. and how he had a job.. and.. and... * sighs* ... Oh well. It wasn't meant to be, huh? glad I know that now. Now, after I got my heart thrown in the air.. to fall down and be... trampled over. * smiles*... I won't be to graphic there... I promise.
"Inside I built a wall So high around my heart I thought I'd never fall One touch, you brought it down Bricks of my defenses Scattered on the ground And I swore to me That I wasn't going to love again The last time Was the last time I'd let someone in"
A little sample of a song that reminds me of Dilly... I love you Dilly..
I love you all...
~ Ten'ou Haruka |
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| What is love? |
[Jun. 10th, 2003|10:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | sore | ] |
| [ | music |
| | " What If I Said" | ] | In the event that Michiru has another journal to keep up with, I tend to write in this one more so. I, being Ruka of course. 16 more hours of school and 1 exam left.
How come I have to know things I'm not suposed to? .. How come people think I can handle this tremondous weight on my shoulders? Do I let off some vibe that tells them I can? .. Do I brag about it or something? Sometimes ignorance is so much more blissful. Oh well, it's just time to put on a happy face and ignore the rain clouds. ^-^ ... or something like that.. * brow falls inward * ... I wonder how happy people stay happy? .. Is it something in the water ...or are they all on drugs?
~ Ten'ou Haruka |
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| Twenty-Four Hours .... |
[Jun. 9th, 2003|01:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | " Rainbow Connection" ~ Kermit The Frog | ] | Looking at the title you should know it't Ruka, seeing as how Michiru's titles always have some deeper meaning. Of course today's entry thing- a -ma - bob has to do with the fact I only have about Twenty four hours left of school, needless to point out Michi is already out of school. ( * grumbles under breath, glancing sideways* ) Talking to Michi and Dilly ( yes, Dillon.. you're now in our livejournal, you lucky thing you ! ) early, early this morning was a break for me. Everything has been so serious and straight out boring. They add a little color to my world. ( Rainbow, and disco light colors! ) Besides the rather large sum of time where I get picked on or made fun of, they can be pretty up lifting. Needless to say, I had a few heart to heart moments last night. Yes, Ruka can be sweet.... IF she HAS to be. Which, by the way, is very rare these days. * thoughtful expression * Picking on Matt today I can tell he is a little more cheery than used to be. I don't know if that's an image he set for himself, or if that is the way he is when about me. He called me a " silly girl" ... ! I am not a silly girl.. I just like to horse around and have a good time. Is there anything wrong with that? Where is Will-chan-chan-chan these days? Has anybody seen him? Maybe we should go searching for him. I miss you, where ever you are... COME BACK, NOW! * innocent, quiet smile. * I love you all...
~ Ten'ou Haruka |
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| What if Tomarrow...what if today... |
[Jun. 4th, 2003|12:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | music |
| | " Like A Stone" ~ AudioSlave | ] |
 You are Persephone, from "The Matrix." Tough cookie, you are, yet there are strains of sadness and desire that lie beneath you- of course, you wouldn't want anyone to know. You're too busy putting up a facade.
What Matrix Persona Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
Hey everyone. Haruka here... I didn't mind the purple, I actually liked it. I thought it was very...umm... "pretty" ....though I would've prefered something red or maybe... blue! silver would do too!... I want to... to see you again, everyone.
I want someone to touch my heart, I want someone to be able to get beneath my skin... I want someone to love me, I want someone to let me love them... I want.. too much.
Forever & Always, Ten'ou Haruka |
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| ^^ brighter, brighter |
[Jun. 3rd, 2003|11:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Prayer" - Secret Garden | ] | I hope you all enjoy the new coloration... :P Ruka complained that the old one was 'too dark'.
The text on the icon read "You'll be in my heart."
~Michiru |
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| Phantasmagoria |
[Jun. 3rd, 2003|03:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Illusory | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "The Dig" soundtrack- lilting, haunting instrumentals | ] | Mmmmn...I find it strangely amusing that whilst I am with someone, I am flirted with, continuously...yet, while I am single, there is a lull in that action...a silence, if you will.
I drift.
Love, mmmn...like tea. So subtle, but it can be so complex. So many of our friends claim to be in love. I agree with Haruka...it's being thrown about too much today. Wait until you truly know what love is. Then you'll see. You'll be in love...not fancy.
And as for myself? I, I must be patient. I can wait. I can watch.
I enjoy seeing others happy.
If only I had a child...
(And no, Haruka. No more of that silly woodpecker poem.)
-*purrs*- rainy days are so thought-provoking... |
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| Random Quiz Results |
[May. 20th, 2003|12:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | " Yesterday" | ] |
 You are Marlo Manners, the sexiest, most desirable woman alive. Men would die to be with you, and die by being with you.
Which Sextette Character Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
How in the hell did I, Ruka, get this! o.O
 You are... "Don't Speak"
What Tragic Kingdom Song Are You brought to you by Quizilla
This one.. isn't so bad... I think...
You're a lesbian alright!! You love your girls!! Good for you!
How lesbian are you?? brought to you by Quizilla
..Michi.. did you tamper with my results?...
ahhhh you are the wolf father in the moon, always smiling benevolently but mischievously, with a certain wisdom and knowledge in you which you would rather let one gain for him/herself than to impart it upon him/her. you are the god of nature, housing people's animal spirits. the shaman, the mystic, the wise one
which of my gods and goddesses do you most resemble? brought to you by Quizilla
Well, for one I actually like... some
 bit-o-honey
which candy from my "chooey gooey"candy mix bag are you? brought to you by Quizilla
XD, Michi's ' bit-O-Honey' ....yay!
 You are most like Sarah You are loyal to your friends. Your imagination and fantasys are what makes you differnt. Your will to win sometimes can be so strong, that you come across as cruel.
What Labyrinth Charater are you most like? brought to you by Quizilla
Am I really cruel?
 You, you are my anthem. Or at least used to be. I've always been really big on covering up my sadness, but nowadays, Jaya won't let me do that.
Which song that makes me sad are you? brought to you by Quizilla ..Jaya? ... Smart person... or so it seems...
 "I will stay with You tonight In case this corset Gets too tight And I will keep you company 'Cause that's what a sister should be."
Your song is "Sistersong" by Ani Difranco!
You're a very loyal friend who always has a shoulder to cry on, or a supportive thing to say. Truly unselfish, you can be relied on for just about anything. Just make sure that others don't take advantage of you.
Wanna do my laundry?
What's Your Song? brought to you by Quizilla Me?
Okay, enough is enough.. I won't bore you anymore.. besides, I only have another 25 mins left in class anyway... * sighs, and curls up on her imaginary cot and holds her teddy bear ( yes, HER teddy bear. Wanna say something? Well don't! .. Hmph! *sticks out tongue* ) and her blankie... closing her eyes, she dreams of days gone by. *
Love... or something like that..
Tenou' Haruka |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 20th, 2003|12:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | " Iris" ~ Goo Goo Dolls | ] | No teacher once agin, well.. we have a sub, but that's not much of a teacher. No offense to subs or anything, it's just.. I hate being bored, and with subs that what I am. BORED! Obviously, it's me - Ruka. I hate this. I hate missing Michiru and the our day back in middle school. No one is as close to me, now as she was back then. No one. Everyone seems bored with me, or not willing to look beyond my stone covering. I'm gonna change me. I'm going to... Soon. " I don't when and I don't know how, but someday I'll be part of 'that' world." * sighs* Well, as I am reforming my life, I hope I don't change too much. I happen to like who I am, in a sense. But, yet in another I hate not having anyone.. anyone close by. Everyone I know is a friend, I have no enemies but still somehow.. I'm alone. " How Unfair of you. To go off into your own world and leave me here, Alone." Perhaps that's how I feel. Like everyone has left me alone... but then, that would be my fault. I pushed everyone away, and they only went away because of my wishes. Because they got tired of fighting me. I supose that goes back to the saying " Be careful what you wish for. You might just get it. " "Iris"
And I'd give up forever to touch you Cuz I know that you feel me somehow You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment And all I can breathe is your life Cuz sooner or later it's over I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me Cuz I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming Or the moment of truth in your lies When everything feels like the movies Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me Cuz I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me Cuz I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me Cuz I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am I just want you to know who I am I just want you to know who I am
TO You Michiru...
Love...
Ruka |
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| I want to lay like this forever |
[May. 11th, 2003|06:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Truly, Madly, Deeply" - Savage Garden | ] | Mmmn, Michiru here, finally. I know I have been less than prompt about updating this and I apologize. I have a great deal in my life to stress me so...it seems that I am losing a friend because he is treating me terribly...and I don't know if I can take him back when he realizes his mistake. I'm not that much of a push-over. I can demand respect for myself when I want it.
I also have the horrid difficulty of coping with loneliness and depression. He brings out the worst in me...and I miss her.
Haruka has heard this tired tale time and time again, so I will not linger on it.
For my birthday, it turns out that Haruka's gift was 50 dollars. I was, and still am, absolutely speechless. My friends are so good to me...as shown in Haruka, and Will-chan's poem. Maybe one day they will realize that their friendship is plenty enough for me...
With all my love, Michiru |
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| " i'd give up forever to touch you.." |
[May. 9th, 2003|01:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | indifferent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | " Iris" ~ Goo Goo Dolls | ] | " .. Cause I know that you'd feel me somehow. You're the closet to heaven that I'll ever be, and I don't want to go home right now... I just want you to know who I am... "
Tonight is Michiru's birthday party, and I have to bring her a gift. I imagine most people have planned something, and have the perfect gift, and such.. but you know me. I'm a last minute person. I imagine she knows that I'll have something for her... Something. I'm really happy though. She knows I'll be there, and I've done all I could to show up. I really miss her, and it seems I always do. I've changed since we've met, her and I, but I think sometimes I've changed for the better. Sometimes. Though I haven't found the perfect gift, I've ther perfect song.. she'll see.. I guess.. when it's my turn.. She'll see.. and she'll know what it means.. as will all the others. That.. in life.. I need nothing else but those about me.. when they are without me.
Love For ever and always...
~ Tenou' Haurka |
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| Tonight you give yourself to me... Forever I am yours |
[May. 2nd, 2003|12:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Pretty Girl" ~SugarCult~ | ] | Well now, they trust high school students to take care and "watch" themselves these days. I'm in Tech Found and we have no teacher. Not that I'm complainning, that would be a little.. well pointless. I wish I could go home. I don't really feel like playing my sax today. And, if you can't tell, it is Haurka. * sighs* I need... I need someone. My love life has turned for the worset. I don't get to speak to him, and when I do speak with him it is for a mere ... three minutes, if that. The other night, before we hung up with one another..after he said he had to go,he said " hey..." .. and of course I replied.. " Yeah? " ... This.. this made me smile.. " I love you" ... that's what he said. I guess he could tell that I miss him.. and that i miss hearing those words along with others. He makes me laugh when do get to talk, and is sweet and so forth when I need it. I'm sorry to say it, but I don't know how much I trust him. I know his background.. and how he's treated other girls.. and you know the drill. He says I'm different.. a likely story.. but.. Then.. I feel this way for him, and so forth. I can't see why he would do this to me. He'd obviously not get the thing I am told he wants, seeing as to where he is.. and where I am. I'm told from someone who used to be his friend < someone who has a crush on me > that he's called me things like B*tch, Sl*t , Who*e ... and so forth. I don't know how much I believe them though. They really wish that I'd break up with him, or vise versa.. so that they might have a chance. I miss Michiru too. I tried talking to her of the night I "held" her. I don't know how to react to that. I think I hope for it to fade away.. like it never happened. I know it won't though. I spoke to Will-chan on the reason why I blame myself and not her. Besides the fact she could do no wrong, I had something of a crush on Michi the year before. And, like now, she was in a long-term relationship with another. With her being in this, I made no advances and kept my secret to myself, best I could - though to some it was obvious. Anyhow, after that year.. and relationship were through, I wasn't sure of myself, nor my feelings. Michi was the first girl... no.. no.. first lady I had fallen for and I just found it hard to believe. The..coming of Kelly to Michi was a blessing to everyone, but almost a rip in my heart. I knew I had no right.. I had told Michi my feelings for her then, but Michi had said, she knew it wasn't meant to be. So I nodded, and dropped the topic. I was happy that Michi had found one for her.. and soon, I found.. well.. the one I have let claim my hand.. smile... and heart. Then.. it was that night. I cursed myself, while talking to Will about it. I told him, it was my fault because my actions were based on that feeling that I had held for so long. That somewhere, deep inside, I still loved Michi in that way.. And that's where my advancments had been triggered. I told him, I wouldn't have done anything if I didn't still feel for Michi.. and Will came back.. to surprise me with, " Yes, I know.. but, do you think Michiru would, if she didn't?" ... I went silent for a moment.. and then hurriedly added.. my comment about it just being the surroundings.. and the night.. the sounds.. the people.. and so forth.. Will-chan was like.. " Suuure.. whatever Ruka.. keep telling yourself that." ... I don't think that Michiru has feelings of that kind for me. she declares that she doesn't and I believe her. Though, sometimes she is the only flower I think of.. and the only one I wish to hear from, or see. I know, as she said, it was not meant to be. Maybe.. in some other world... or maybe if we had met at some different time.. it could've been.. but.. not now...not us ... not ever. Haruka told her Mother that she was bi and some other with held information.. in a letter. The information was asked not to be shared with her father, yet. Mom has not replied in any way.. not to my liking. I mention the letter to her every so often, but she only says that she'll reply when she gets time.. I wonder if that will be before I turn eighteen, or after. Oh well.. Hopefully, I'll call Ben today, when I get home.. take a nap.... and do something constructive. I've already started writting a story/ book.. and am thinking about restarting my FanFic for Hamena... or maybe just for Michiru, though I'm almost certain she'll make me submit it. Oh well, it won't hurt to be noticed a little bit... Well, I'm going off to see if I can do something a little more with my.. twenty minutes. I love you, for ever and a day.
Until...
~ Tenou' Haruka |
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| " ..Somewhere other than the night .." |
[Apr. 28th, 2003|01:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | rejected | ] |
| [ | music |
| | " Somewhere other than the night" ~ Garth Brooks | ] | " ...Somewhere other than the night, she needs to hear ' I love you'. Somewhere other than the night, she needs to know you care.... "
Tis Harulka.. can't stay long for my class is about to end BUT, I just thought about updating, and...here I am. That song, I heard it once, on the radio, and ever since I've loved it. That and " If tomarrow Never Comes" ... both by Garth. the first time I heard " Somewhere other than the night" .. I cried. I think it had something to do with the timing.. and could probably explain it, if I had more time, but.. I don'. Farewell, all...
I love you Michi- sama ...
~Tenou Haruka |
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| " Room By Room... I'll wait for you... like a stone... I'll wait for you.. Alone" |
[Apr. 18th, 2003|10:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | restless | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "When You Love Someone" Bryan Adams | ] | Haruka is, finally, back now. It's been a long harsh time without me, hasn't it? You know you missed me.. * smirks* .. As we all know, Haruka got herself, in Michi's little quiz. What she finds quite amusing is, for everyoe, save herself, there is a real life picture. Would anyone like to guess why that is? No! You're wrong! * evil grin * just kidding.. There is an anime picture there, because I, Tenou' Haruka, do NOT take pictures. So HA! Well.. now that I've updated.. and Michi cannot yell at me, for not doing so, I'll take my leave. Good Bye!
Love... and... stuff...
~ Tenou' Haruka |
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| heehee ^.^ |
[Apr. 3rd, 2003|10:16 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | artistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "The Lighthouse's Tale"- Nickel Creek | ] |
 You're Michiru-chan herself!! Unlike most of your friends, you tend to live in a fantasy world that keeps you happy in dark times. You have a fascination with the sea, and are rather adept at art, writing and drama. You appreciate beauty in all things, and thus have the bad habit of collecting and looking into mirrors constantly. (You vain creature, you.) You are looking for true love above all things, and tend to be naive and idealistic, but deep down, you are elegant, and just want things to be peaceful.
Which of Miraanokaiousei's friends are you? brought to you by Quizilla
^^; of course, I expected to get myself...
~Michiru |
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